change – Leslie Sheridan

HOME

What is home? Is it a place, a person or a thing? Is it a state of mind? Is home where you feel comfortable, safe, secure and loved?

During my search for home I have found that home should not just be a house. In the last four years I have lived in six different spaces. I believed I was trying to find a new home that replicated the house in the neighborhood that I lived in with my now ex-husband and our two children for twenty-five years.

But, I have come to realize that it wasn’t a physical house. It was the people in it and creating the memories that would last a lifetime and the love and the holidays and the traditions that were created and customary year after year. It was family.

Now single and an empty nester, I went from living in that beautiful house to living like a nomad in apartment after apartment to temporarily living in a friends house and finally swallowing my pride and moving back in with my dad and mom in late winter of 2020. That was space number 5. I had planned to stay only a few weeks at the most to regroup and find somewhere permanent to live when Covid-19 changed all of our lives forever. A few weeks staying with my dad and mom turned into nearly two years. It appeared then to be a blessing in disguise but also a punishment. I read a lot of books and binged TV shows to pass the time, like nearly everyone else. And I sometimes stayed up all night writing pages for an unfinished memoir.

Living back home as an adult with mom and dad was much different than when I had lived with them as an adolescent. It was humbling and confining, like being a teenager who has to live by her parent’s rules under their roof. Well, maybe not that much different. I had had a home of my own for many years and liked my own living space and living by my own rules and having my freedom. But, I learned to adapt. And they did, too.

There was a silver lining. I was healing. It did not happen all at once. The grief I had been carrying of my recent past life with my family was giving way to acceptance. I learned to relax and realized that I was with my family, the one I grew up with. I was safe, secure and loved.

And then suddenly, the Winds of Change blew in, clearing away the dark clouds and allowing in the sunshine. The Pandemic was easing. Shortly after that I found a new safe and secure home of my own to live in and a new life to begin.

Afraid of Dying

“You have to stop that.” , a friend recently told me. “Just think about living your life.” This was in response to me telling her that I was afraid of dying. After two brushes with death within three months I was wondering when the next one would happen. Everthing comes in three’s.

The beginning of this year was my first brush with dying after falling and hitting my head on a rock. I recalled seeing white and feeling paralyzed. I don’t recall how much time passed, but I was able to feel everything again and get up and find help. My first thought was no one will know I’m here. Two months later a car accident that totaled my car could have killed me. Miraculously, I had only bruises and a couple of contusions. My primary concern in both of these accidents was that I get a message to my twenty-something children in the event of my death: That I love them.

I had only been afraid of my own death one other time. Shortly after the birth of my youngest child I’d had a dream where everything was dark. A man rode up to me on a motorbike and I had a choice to stay where I was – which was not great, or to follow him out of the dark, fiery, dingy cave. Having been fairly new to interpreting my own dreams I didn’t know yet that the dream was not about literally dying. But, it terrified me. I had a new baby and a toddler to care for, and they needed their mom. I didn’t have time to die.

During a past life regression I had been murdered and saw my soul leave my body and float above it, then go through a blue tunnel to the other side. It didn’t hurt during the regression and the sensation of crossing over was peaceful. I felt love and happiness on the other side (of the veil).

I thought about the meaning of both accidents and what the universe might be telling me. One accident might be random, two are not. I’ve said that I am not afraid of dying after experiencing my past lives. However, my own mortality made me realize I am afraid of leaving loved ones behind. And there’s more that I want to accomplish.

Last Full Moon

Auto Cumulus clouds illuminated by a full moon, the last full moon of 2021. I have released a lot in 2021. I’ve grown emotionally. I’ve experienced intense change personally. We all know there has been much change globally.

2021 (2+0+2+1 =5) in numerology is 5. The number 5 symbolizes change. A full moon also symbolizes change. Releasing the old and anything no longer needed so that growth can occur. For me releasing habits and limitations have been challenging. What has been a long time coming has resulted in something that feels like freedom.

Like a Chrysalis morphing into a beautiful butterfly, I feel free from those limitations. Moving forward.

Getting Back in the Game

“It’s all about being ready and being prepared for the situations that are thrown at you.” – Eli Manning

It’s been a little more than a year since my last post.

It wasn’t writers block.

The last year has been preparation for the changes that followed. I knew the changes were coming but I did not feel they would affect me as they did. I was preparing for the events and knew what was coming. I underestimated myself. Sometimes that happens. And sometimes, well, more than sometimes, I let events take control of me.

In 2018, I became an empty nester; sold a house in a neighborhood where I lived for over 20 years; ended a long term relationship. These life changes, though I knew they were going to happen, hit me harder than I ever thought they would. I was preparing for them. I was ready for these changes. I was surprised by how hard they hit me. They all happened within a span of three months.

I was unprepared for the grief that followed. And re-build a new life for myself.

I’m spiritual not religious. I used my spiritual tool box but despite setting intentions, meditating, taking walks in nature and trying to be gentle with myself, depression is something that just needs time before action. Processing those feelings of living alone for the first time and moving somewhere new. Learning to let go because I must, I have to. The changes were necessary to allow new opportunities to present themselves. When one door closes another one opens.

It’s been three months since then. I’m working on a new career path. I’ve resumed dream interpretations and writing: I plan on publishing not one, but two books this year. I have been setting intentions, meditating and watching for signs. Guidance from the Universe. Am I on the path I’m supposed to be on?

I am ready to receive good fortune and abundance.

Spiritual Toolbox

**All photographs by Leslie Sheridan

The energies of the past month have been so intense, where I was feeling like I was in a vortex that I couldn’t pull myself out of some days and other days I was on the mother of all emotional roller coasters. These intense energies went away with a bang culminating with last night’s full moon and Mercury in Retrograde leaving today. Fortunately I had a long weekend to sit, reflect, meditate, give myself Reiki and walk in nature.
When life gets crazy or hard, or when the energies are spinning us around like a fast spinning merry-go-round we need our spiritual toolboxes. Sensitive people like me are especially sensitive to other people’s energies: at work, shopping or at the amusement park.
Spiritual toolboxes are a necessity not only when there is so much going on in the world but anytime you need help keeping your mind, body and spirit together. Going for a walk in the park or on the beach; grabbing a good book and parking ourselves in a comfortable chair; meditation; affirmations, prayer and gratitude; and a spiritual support group – an actual support group or call all the angels, saints, deities, God, or Jesus; or all of the above. And when all else fails – just breathe.
When everything gets crazy or chaotic and confusing sometimes our first reaction is not always breathing or praying. We can make a practice of finding peace within when everything on the outside isn’t. Its peace we really want. Peace of mind, a peaceful space, a peaceful life.
There may be more intense energies yet to come this year as well as both a Super moon and Mercury going retrograde again in December. What’s in your spiritual toolbox?

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Totem Animals

129_129 I have always loved butterflies. Their beauty and the gentle fluttering of their wings; they’re so easy going and free. And they were everywhere. I collected and received as gifts (because my family and friends knew how much I loved butterflies) almost everything with this beautiful insect on it: journals, note cards, jewelry, home décor and clothing. And they could be seen nearly everywhere: outside, in magazines and in the Butterfly Conservatory at the American Museum of Natural History in New York. I was in heaven – there were hundreds of butterflies flying free.
I recall when my love for butterflies began as a young adult. Around that time I remember hearing an older song on the radio by Elton John whose song had the line, ‘…You’re a butterfly and butterflies are free to fly.’ I remember thinking that it was a message for me. It was. The butterfly was my totem animal for many years.

Not only do we have guardian angels and spirit guides (loved ones who have passed on and have chosen to help us with our journey from the other side), we also have spirit animal guides or totem animals. They are messengers that come in and out of our lives depending on the need for them and where we are on our journey. We can have more than one spirit animal at any given time during our journey here. We don’t choose the animals to be our guide, they choose us. These messengers can be a favorite animal. How can we explain why they are our favorite animal? If the animal chooses us, then we must know this consciously via our subconscious that we really love dogs or horses or butterflies. Totem animals can also be our pet; they can be animals that appear to randomly cross paths with us; and they can visit us in our dreams.
In my book, “Last Night I Dreamt…a guide to dreams and dream recall”, I talk about a young woman who told me of her dream involving a tiger. It walked up to her and got her attention; it wanted her to follow it somewhere. The tiger was leading her to where she should be going on her journey; it was helping her move forward. While I was interpreting her dream it came to me that the tiger was not a symbol, but rather her totem animal. I had asked her if the tiger was her favorite animal and she confirmed that it was.
There have been a few random animals that have made contact with me. Recently, a rather tall turkey (a symbol of sacrifice and abundance) stood next to my car for almost half an hour; I waited until it left before I got into my car. And, a few years ago I had stopped to write something down in my journal while I was hiking and with my peripheral vision I noticed something walking next to me. It was a coyote (relaxation, have fun, be present) going about its business, but close enough to get my attention. It all seemed random until I read their meaning on spirit-animals.com and interpreted the messages. (*FYI- I have found this website to be an excellent source of information for interpreting not only your totem or random animal but dream interpretations for animal visitations as well.) Spirit-animals.com says that animals that we feel a strong connection with are influential to us and will teach us something about ourselves. My cats Zippy, Mimi and Max have taught me much and I’m still learning from them.

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My butterfly totem of twenty years fluttered away a few years ago (I still see them occasionally). The butterfly symbolizes transformation – think about the butterfly emerging from the chrysalis – and accepting change. Having accomplished that, a new totem flew into my life a few years ago. The dragonflies come to see me every day on my veranda. They’re here to help me on the next wing of my journey.

**All photos by Leslie Sheridan

Finished Books

I’m a book addict. I love books. I collect books. I own a library card. I carry a membership card to a well known book store and I use it often. Thomas Jefferson once said “I cannot live without books.” I concur.

In fact, I generally have four or five books going at any time. That is I’ll read a book for a bit, put it down and then repeat the process with about 3 or 4 other books. They’re not all just random books or the newest books that I cannot keep up with. There really is a method to my madness. But, a couple of months ago I realized that the madness had taken over and it needed to have an ending.

And so, I made a goal this year to finish any books I had previously started. Two of the books for research purposes have post it notes riddled with arrows, notes and punctuation so that I can go back to them as needed. Two of the books were inspirational memoirs sprinkled with humor. And still another was a tome by Doris Kearns Goodwin.

About five years ago I saw an exhibit on Thomas Jefferson’s book collection at the mother of all libraries – the Library of Congress in Washington, D.C. This exhibit consisted of Jefferson’s bookshelves with his 10,000 book collection! The founding father had a variety of books on all topics. There were the books you would expect to see on the shelf of a farmer, lawyer, politician, and Declaration of Independence author. Surprisingly or not, there were books by Voltaire and Moliere; Homer and Shakespeare; as well as books on Plato, languages, astronomy, philosophy and religion. I wonder if he read his books sporadically.

But, it was still time to finish my current collection of unfinished books. Cold, winter nights and snowy weekends are great for curling up with a good book and I took advantage of the cold nights next to a warm fire. At around the moment I committed to this, I realized that I may not have been alone in my decision. I felt a nudge from the universe, a reminder, that it was time to get ready to move forward. Was finishing the books a metaphor for finishing goals? Books equal knowledge. Lessons have been learned. It’s time for me to let go of the past and move forward to the next level in my spiritual awakening.

The Super Moon Trifecta

It’s significant to me that there have been three full moon Super Moon’s in as many months. This has been a year of pivotal change. Shocking, jaw-dropping and heartbreaking change. Everyone has felt it on every level no matter what the loss or change.

October’s Harvest moon, November’s Beaver moon and now this week’s Cold Moon (the moon nicknames were given by Native Americans -it was how the tribes kept track of the seasons) are significant to me because in this year of endings, we have been called to release, release, release during the last three months of 2016.

Okay…I get that a Super Moon is just a little closer to the earth than a typical full moon (November’s was the closest!) but I find it very interesting that since October there have been three straight Super Moon’s. I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe that there is a reason for everything. Time to take inventory and release.

What no longer serves us? What have we outgrown? Release.

What do we need to heal so that we can move forward? Release.

What do we need to change to bring about change? Release.

People we work with or the job itself, lifestyle, relationships, habits: are these toxic? Have you outgrown them? Are you ready to release? Let them go.

This weeks Cold Moon and upcoming new moon are a great segue into the New Year with new opportunities, and time to start over. Release the old during this week’s full moon; manifest the new – use positive affirmations -on the new moon December 29, two days before New Year’s eve. Coincidence? No.

Best Wishes for all good things in 2017.

A Clean Slate

When I was thinking about what to write and what message to convey, change kept coming up. I know I’ve been writing a lot about change and transformation lately, however this has been an exceptional year of change. Change can be frightening. Fear takes over when someone is suddenly faced with losing their job; relationships end; loved ones pass away, living situations change. It can feel like the end of the world. We all know it happens; life is dynamic; seasons come and seasons go. It’s the Universal Law of Rhythm. Where there are endings there must always be a beginning.

Why it happens and when it happens and sometimes how it happens is a clue, a nudge from the universe. It’s time to leave the past behind and move on. Start over. I can now feel when change needs to happen, like a band aid concealing a healed wound. The band aid needs to be ripped off. Moving forward despite the pain of loss can make it difficult to believe that something better or different is just up ahead.

Nearly thirty years ago I had a major life change that was preceded by a chain of events that at the time I thought would never end. I moved into a new apartment in a new city, and started a new job. I was young, living on my own, advancing in a career and had a new man in my life. I thought my life and my future seemed promising. I did not see the train coming down the track.

Three months later – although it felt longer than that – my life became challenging and I was faced with choices. Everything good that came together almost at the same time, started to fall apart the same way. Sexual harassment was common in the workplace in the 1980’s and women who worked in male dominated industries were fair game. Even the man in my life whom I thought I could trust was in on the game. The relationship ended; I abruptly left my job; I had to leave my apartment and move back home, stunned, humiliated and broke.

I actually hit rock bottom. There was nowhere else to go except up. A month later, a new and different career was waiting for me as well as better opportunities and new friends. I was still shaking a little but my life was improving.

The changes we have all been experiencing or witnessing in the past eleven months are nothing new. For thousands of years throughout history there have been many endings: empires, religions, and cultures. There have always been confrontations, disputes and protests that are seen in politics, war and witch hunts. There will always be those times in our lives that call for us to cut and run, to grieve, to move forward, to wipe the slate clean and start over and create a new beginning in our lives.