photo by Leslie Sheraden

What is home? Is it a place, a person or a thing? Is it a state of mind? Is home where you feel comfortable, safe, secure and loved? 

During my search for home I have found that home should not just be a house. In the last four years I have lived in six different spaces. I believed  I was trying to find a new home that replicated the house in the neighborhood that I lived in with my now ex-husband and our two children for twenty-five years. 

But, I have come to realize that it wasn’t a physical house. It was the people in it and creating the memories that would last a lifetime and the love and the holidays and the traditions that were created and customary year after year. It was family. 

Now single and an empty nester, I went from living in that beautiful house to living like a nomad in apartment after apartment to temporarily living in a friends house and finally swallowing my pride and moving back in with my dad and mom in late winter of 2020. That was space number 5. I had planned to stay only a few weeks at the most to regroup and find somewhere permanent to live when Covid-19 changed all of our lives forever. A few weeks staying with my dad and mom turned into nearly two years. It appeared then to be a blessing in disguise but also a punishment. I read a lot of books and binged TV shows to pass the time, like nearly everyone else.  And I sometimes stayed up all night writing pages for an unfinished memoir.

Living back home as an adult with mom and dad was much different than when I had lived with them as an adolescent.  It was humbling and confining, like being a teenager who has to live by her parent’s rules under their roof. Well, maybe not that much different. I had had a home of my own for many years and liked my own living space and living by my own rules and having my freedom. But, I learned to adapt. And they did, too. 

There was a silver lining. I was healing. It did not happen all at once. The grief I had been carrying of my recent past life with my family was giving way to acceptance. I learned to relax and realized that I was with my family, the one I grew up with. I was safe, secure and loved. 

And then suddenly, the Winds of Change blew in, clearing away the dark clouds and allowing in the sunshine. The Pandemic was easing. Shortly after that I found a new  safe and secure home of my own to live in and a new life to begin.  

photo by Leslie Sheraden

Getting Back in the Game

It’s all about being ready and being prepared for the situations that are thrown at you.”  – Eli Manning

It’s been a little more than a year since my last post.

It wasn’t writers block.

The last year has been preparation for the changes that followed. I knew the changes were coming but I did not feel they would affect me as they did. I was preparing for the events and knew what was coming. I underestimated myself. Sometimes that happens. And sometimes, well,  more than sometimes, I let events take control of me.

In  2018, I became an empty nester; sold a house in a neighborhood where I lived for over 20 years; ended a long term relationship. These life changes, though I knew they were going to happen, hit me harder than I ever thought they would. I was preparing for them. I was ready for these changes. I was surprised by how hard they hit me. They all happened  within a span of three months.

I was unprepared for the grief that followed. And re-build a new life for myself.

I’m spiritual not religious. I used my spiritual tool box but despite setting intentions, meditating, taking walks in nature and trying to be gentle with myself, depression is something that just needs time before action. Processing those feelings of living alone for the first time and moving somewhere new. Learning to let go because I must, I have to. The changes were necessary to allow new opportunities to present themselves. When one door closes another one opens.

It’s been three months since then. I’m working on a new career path.  I’ve resumed dream interpretations and writing: I plan on publishing not one, but two books this year. I have been setting intentions, meditating and watching for signs. Guidance from the Universe. Am I on the path I’m supposed to be on?

I am ready to receive good fortune and abundance.